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St. Neotian Fensign Readingsby Erial |
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November 2002 |
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Marginal waters and the gleam of a semi-submerged beer bottle indicate that you might be dropping yourself in it from a great height if you cannot keep your mouth shut in the coming future. Some one close to you ( a rather pathetic and lewd Fox) will be caught out doing something quite foolish and you will feel an almost overwhelming urge to stand and pontificate on the matter. Please remember that people who live in glass houses had better make sure they have ALWAYS been fully dressed in the company of ALL their co-workers in the last twelve months before they lob the first stone. Say no more, eh? |
Apparently, a stray cow has wandered past your tarn recently because right on the bank it deposited a rather large and pungent er......message. You have been a convincing liar since an early age ( ask your mother; she will be scarred by a lot of them till her dying day) but all the signs indicate that you will have a strong power and influence on those around you this month. May I suggest that you try very hard to keep your nose out of the local political scene and content yourself with re-fiddling with the filing system at work or organizing the Christmas Party? You will do a lot less damage in the long run and won't risk upsetting a powerful and dangerous Lobster with and axe to grind and a mental
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I can see that you need to pay a bit more attention to health matters this month.You have been living life on the wild side and apparently neglecting yourself quite shamefully. It wouldn't kill you to eat a few more fruits and veg and spurn those fried and fatty foods and fizzy pops for a while and a few early nights would defiantly help out with your appalling skin tone. A few light exercises will help you ward off the winter wobblies and give you the energy you need to fight off that virus that has been going around. Heed me not, and you will find yourself looking and feeling like Humpty Dumpty with a head cold. |
May I suggest that now might be a really good time to start considering where exactly you want to be in five years time? Orion is rising in the third house and there is submerged trolley wheel in your pool, which indicates that you will be able to decide your own destiny IF you act now and finally make up your mind. Don't listen to the whining of small minded Aardvarks, they are just jealous of your potential and don't want you to ever be the Joneses they have to keep up with. Eat more rice for your bowel problem, by the way and your lucky number is 7. |
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Hmmm, a suspicious shadow in the 4th house indicates that someone was a bit of a joker around Halloween and managed to frighten several people with tales of Beyond and Those Who Came Back. Very funny. Unfortunalty for you, others were listening as well and have decided that you are a likely candidate for a little fun of their own. What, you thought only the living had a sense of humor? It might be an idea to find the phone number of a reliable exorcist now as it is hard to use the Yellow Pages when your head is spinning and you are spewing out dead blue bottles. Although you won't see it as amusing, believe me, in certain circles you are going to become a very popular attraction, kind of like the Alton Towers of the after life. |
Wind strewn twigs and fragments of birch festoon your pool with a scattering of soggy chips in the second house indicate that your health has been worrying you recently. Unfortunalty, by listening to shifty old Owl and following their homeopathic advice, you have caused yourself more problems than you have cured. I suggest that you go and see a medical specialist who doesn't carry chicken bones in their handbag ( unless of course they have been for a curry) and please, please give up taking those dried frogs pills. The smell is quite offensive. On the bright side, the side-effect webbing will make it a whole lot easier to get to France in the future for your duty free's. |
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I see caution and restraint are not exactly going to be your strong points in the near future. There is a swirl of duck weed and some floating dog ends which tell the sad tale. Okay, look, if you prefer, don't think of it as an opportunity missed, think of it as a golden chance to save yourself from humiliation, degradation and not to mention getting the cold shoulder from every one you know and a really tricky little rash which won't respond to over the counter creams. If you opt to remain pure and unscathed, may I suggest cold showers, long walks and a lot less time spent in the company of flirtatious and infectious Squirrels. |
Some lot has dumped half a swing door in your tarn which can only mean that you feel trapped between two choices. I consulted the "Big Bumper Fun Book of Prophecy" and I suggest you let the Fates decide for you. First bath in a warm water solution to which has been added two spoons of sea salt, a sprig of lavender and six tail hairs from a white blind horse called Agnes. Then hop backwards around your house in the dark naked chanting "Ohhh-buggerit-buggerit!!" with a lit candle in either hand. In the morning consult the wax splatters across your nice new carpet and then flip a coin. ( Authors note; the first few steps can be omitted, but the coin toss is essential) Heads up means yes, tails up means no and on the edge means you are still in the same boat, but now the neighbors all know what you look like naked. |
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There is a scrap of what looks like a Travelers check floating in your tarn. This is a strong indication of a surprise trip abroad which could bring you financial reward. Having said this, the stranger in the pub (a shifty Toad, by the way) who will ask you to carry a present to his Auntie Maud in your hand luggage is not quite the innocent they seem. I strongly advise that you turn him and his "package" down and the money he generously offers and simply mention that you have a sister who works for the drug squad. Take my word for it, "Auntie Hilda" is a lot bigger and hairier that you could ever imagine and no amount of money is worth it. |
Ever thought about a career on the stage? No? Well, you are going to be over acting like mad this month and deserve an Oscar for the bold faced lines that you will be uttering in order to impress someone you fancy ( a sexy and lithe young Woodpecker) Your chat up lines and your wooing ways are going to get you exactly what you want though, and the object of your affections will soon be smitten with you. Trouble is, by the end of the month you will realize your dream lover has the personality of a deranged Yak and the hygiene habits to match. |
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Time to get those creative juices flowing!! There is half a chewed pencil and what looks like fragments of willow in your puddle and these indicate that you have been half playing with the idea of launching yourself in to the world of art. Your caution stems from a deep seated belief that people will laugh or mock your works, and I am telling you, it's just not true. They will be overawed by your display of talent and struck dumb by your skill and mastery. After all, painting on that velvet is fiddly and not everyone can have your eye for the fold of the matadors cape or the way the sun light glitters off the bulls horns. |
I suggest that you avoid the area of Potton Road after dark this month as there is a distinctive whiff of diesel in your reading. I can't really make it out well, but it involves some kind of extra-terrestrial mother ship and a plan to repopulate their side of the universe using either your DNA or that of a small and inoffensive gerbil called Monica, who lives in the Queens Gardens area. It is all a bit unclear, but I see a turkey baster, a long flexible hose and a big metal wheel which squeaks as it goes round and round and round. For the sake of your ego ( I mean, who wants to come second to a hamster, for Gods sake??) and your delicate mucus membranes, follow my advice. |
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Still picking splinters out, I see? It will take a few days for you to get over your chill from all the whooping it up at Halloween, but a good slathering of Vicks will sort you out. I would suggest that you try a Fisherman's Friend, but knowing how you are, I can see it causing a bit of a scandal. Mid month will be a good time to ask for a pay raise and to invest it all in one of those dodgy schemes you will hear about in the pub. The pay off will be stupendous. Agents fee to the usual place, please. |
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Erial may be contacted at erial@st-neots.co.uk |
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