St. Neotian Fensign Readings

by Erial

January 2003

Hedgehog

There will be a few left over problems with your digestion this month, due to the fact that you made a bit of a piggy of yourself during the festive season. Don't worry about the weight, you actually look good with those extra pounds, but the flatulence is another matter all together. Either get a dog to blame it all on or stick with a plain diet till it clears up. Plenty of exercises would also help, not because you need it, but because you can let rip to your hearts content without gassing people. Lucky number; 33, lucky vehicle; bus.

Badger

Your health is a bit of a concern this month. Don't worry, it's not fatal, just very inconvenient and slightly embarrassing when you pop into Boots for a little over the counter help. Your mother did warn you about sitting on cold things, now didn't she? Warm your hands up before applying the ointment and refrain from wearing those tight sexy undies for a while ( take my word for it, it's not attractive from this angle) Eat wholesome foods and for heavens sake, stop fidgeting and fussing about them. If it gets worse, just make a Dr's. appointment and request politely to see the one with the smallest hands.

Pigeon

This month is going to see Orion moving into the second house and some duck weed in Gemini. Bills are going to seem unusually large this month and there will be unexpected demands on your budget. A frazzled Woodpecker will ask you to help them move house and an unexpected windfall awaits you down the back of their couch ( left hand side, just behind the babies rattle and the lump you are hoping is just old Plastercine) Beware get rich schemes and sure fire tips, especially from rough looking Badgers. 

Squirrel

Very shallow pool with medium clarity this month. Time to pull your belt in after last months excessive spending. You had fun and went a bit O.T.T. but it is now time to knuckle under and get yourself back on track. An opportunity to travel is on the water. A generous Toad is going to present you with a short notice ticket at a very cheap price but you will only be able to take it if you start saving now. I cannot see the destination, but you will need sunscreen and camel repellant. 

Aardvark

Well, the good news is that finally the boss will notice all your hard work and effort at the end of this month. The bad news is that they will also discover all those little mistakes that you were going to fix but forgot about. It might be prudent to spend some time backtracking like crazy and fixing them, even if it means going in early and staying late. Beware the squinty eyed Squirrel, when they say they will help you, they mean exactly the opposite. They are after your job and anything they "fix" will be a disaster.

Deer

Well, I hate to say it, but according to this wisp of goose grass and these bark flecks, things are not going to bode well for you. That gossip that you spread a few months ago is about to go full circle and come back to you, but instead of it being about the person you intended it it be about, it has mutated, and you are now the star of show. There is not a lot you can do about it, I am afraid, other than to deny everything and burn the negatives. Ranting and raving about the evils of gossip will only cause your motives to go under the spotlight and may reveal other things you would rather stayed in the dark.

Lobster

Your tarn is a bit of a nasty looking mess right about now with an oily patch right in the center. I would strongly advise you to beware of bridges this month, which might make traveling around the town a bit difficult. I don't want to worry you, but also check that you are wearing skid proof shoes, (the slip off kind) and that you carry no more weight on your person than you have to. High jinx and horse play whilst intoxicated are not recommended, especially not if they involve foolish dares on the way home from your local. Beware the agile Toad and his companion, the sniggering Badger. 

Woodpecker

I am hoping that this suspicious looking smudge on the left bank and these sweetie wrappers don't indicate what I think they indicate. There is help out there for people like you, you know. ( under "chiropractor" in the phone book) As long as it's not happening on the High Street, and as long as you don't get stuck in that position, I guess there is no real harm in it. Let me know if you ever get a tune out of it. I hear busking is a lucrative business these days.

Owl

All those little digs about your weight from your anorexic co-workers is finally going to tip you over the edge and you will be determined to slim down and eat healthy. A slightly pudgy Beaver Beast is going to offer you a deal on some exercise equipment they have collecting dust in their spare room. Caution! Do you need such a high tech monstrosity? If you take it, be prepared to discover that the only thing it slimmed down was your bank balance. Between the two of us, that state-of-the-art home torture equipment has been through five owners, none of whom used it for anything more strenuous than hanging damp clothes on.

Fox

A lucrative commercial venture is about to rear it's head down at your local. This trailing of algae and the floating beer bottle indicate that with caution, you look to make a killing with it. Be prudent with whom you share this information though as not everyone is going to see it as an adventure in capitalism, but as a rip off and a slightly illegal one at that. Beware the giggling Deer and the snickering Toad and confide only in Beaver Beasts and Hedgehogs. ( the Beaver Beast has a fast car and the Hedgehog will provide a wonderful alibi)

Toad

I see trouble brewing on the home front in the form of an old family squabble and a long harbored resentment over something that happened before you were even born. Word to the wise here; unless you know all the ins and outs of this deed ( and lets face it, you only have one version to go on) I suggest that you keep your nose out of it. Any attempts to pour oil on troubled waters will result in nothing more than an ugly highly flammable oil slick. You have been warned. And don't play with matches.

Weasle

Many people are going to be making demands of your precious time and you are going to start getting thoroughly fed up with them all around the third week. For once in your life, you need to put your foot down firmly and tell these whiners that you are not going to be subject to their whims. May I suggest that you take some time out of your life and do something just for you? Get out more and have some fun. If you have a mobile phone, turn it off or there will be calls every hour on the hour.

Beaver Beast

Still can't figure out where you went New Years Eve, huh? Well, stop worrying about it. As far as I can tell, you had a wonderful time and all the cameras got ruined when you set the sprinkler system off dancing on the table with a candle in either hand. There is no physical evidence that you were ever even there and the chances of meeting these people again are slim to none. They will always remember your rendition of the flamenco with kitchen spoons and a Christmas cracker between your teeth fondly though.

Erial may be contacted at erial@st-neots.co.uk